So now these are no longer just “Pajama Jeans”. Oh no no no…..these are spite pants. I promised him the next day that I was wearing them to Madison Square Eats, and he just rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning I was pulling them on, and this is how that went:
Matt: You’re not actually wearing those outside, are you?
Allison: Oh hell yeah I am.
Matt: I thought that you were just going to wear them when you go to Starbucks to work on the book?
Allison: What about your basketball shorts?
Matt: What about them?
Allison: I have never once, in over six years together, ever seen you play basketball. NOT ONCE.
Matt: But they’re comfortable!
Allison: GO PLAY SOME BASKETBALL!!!!
Matt: TAKE OFF THOSE PANTS!
Matt: FINE! GO OUT AND MAKE AN ASS OF YOURSELF!
I wore them to Madison Square Eats, and aside from the people who actually read the blog who knew to look for them, no one noticed they weren’t real jeans. Yes, the infernal pink drawstring kept popping out (you know how I llooovvveee pink), and yes the dye bleeds like hell, so every time I touched my pants I blue myself, but the point is I took a stand for something, and it feels pretty good. I may not ever relegate them to Starbucks only duty- I may go on embarrassing my husband and children with them full time, or at least til the basketball shorts disappear.
Then today, while I was suffering the indignity of wearing real pants, I saw this tweet:
And here’s what she was talking about.
See, now this……this is too far, America. Too, too, too damn far.
However, now you people are under the impression that I’m a lazy sack of crap, rather than someone who draws the line at wearing boxed pants from Walgreen’s out of spite. Even though I didn’t think that my life had spiraled down so low to the point where people would expect to see me in a hot pink fleece jumpsuit, or to ever have the urge to go tailgating in such a jumpsuit, or really just to have the urge to tailgate at all……..well the point is, I’m a woman of the people, and I have to give the people what they want.
This is why I made the following declaration:
IF, by Wednesday, October 19th, we have 2,000 followers on Twitter (260 to go) and 1,000 “Likes” on Facebook (251 to go), I WILL PURCHASE A FOREVER LAZY AND WEAR IT FOR THE FINAL DAYS OF MADISON SQUARE EATS.
I am more than willing to make an ass of myself for you guys, but you need to pitch in a bit, too. You want to experience THIS kind of extreme sexiness? You need to help us spread the word and let people know they need to be following us.
PS- see that black line on the side of the girls leg, by her tushie? That’s a zipper, so one can do, erm, their “business”. These people thought of everything.
Today I shall spend the morning at Madison in real clothes and proper pants, so you should come and visit me while I still have a shred of dignity in tact. I will also have these cupcakes with me, in case you need more motivation:
Clockwise from front: Apple Peanut Butter, Pumpkin Caramel, The CPB, Pecan French Toast
Apple Peanut Butter: Apple cake, peanut butter buttercream, homemade peanut brittle
Pumpkin Caramel: Pumpkin cake, salted caramel buttercream, pumpkin seeds
The CPB: Chocolate cake, peanut butter buttercream, roasted peanuts, ganache
Pecan French Toast: Maple custard soaked cinnamon cake, maple cinnamon buttercream, maple glazed pecans
Robicelli’s at DeKalb Market: Flatbush Avenue Extension & Willoughby Street, Downtown Brooklyn
Robicelli’s at Madison Square Eats: Corner of 25th Street & 5th Avenue
Cafe at Sam’s Bakery: 94th Street off Third Avenue, Bay Ridge
Aloha Grinds: 76th Street and 3rd Avenue, Bay Ridge
Bagel Schmagel: 76th Street and 3rd Avenue, Bay Ridge
Tazza: Clark Street off Henry AND Henry Street off Atlantic, Brooklyn Heights
Cake Shop: Ludlow Street btwn Stanton & Rivington, LES
Joe Columbia University: W 120th btwn Broadway & Amsterdam, Morningside Heights
Queen City Cupcakes (Closed Monday- Flavors for Tuesday): 62 West Main Street, Patchouge, Long Island
Red Hook Lobster Pound: 284 Van Brunt Street, Red Hook (Whoopie Pies Only)