I just stayed up WAAAAAY too late to watch the Mars landing. Seriously, I feel like I’m 8 years old right now. I hope that this proves once and for all that Mars totally exists, unlike when I was actually 8 years old and did a book report about the “Brontosaurus”, and then found out years later that there’s no such thing as a brontosaurus and now it’s called something else entirely.
Apparently some guy dug up a single dinosaur bone ages ago and named it, then years later it was discovered that it was actually a piece of the brontosaurus, and since he had found that toe or rib or whatever years earlier, he totally had “dibsies” on naming it - because that’s how science works. So now all the brontosauruses are called “The Leroyasaurus” or something stupid like that. Whatever. I’m still calling it brontosaurus.
Then a few months ago I took my kids to the Museum of Natural History and learned - prepare yourself for this crap right here - that apparently THE TRICERATOPS NEVER EXISTED. I don’t even want to hear their stupid “scientific” explanation, because obviously everything I learned in school was totally wrong and a gigantic waste of my time. Like dinosaurs. And “new math”. And the Oxford comma. And double spacing after closing punctuation.
So Godspeed, Curiosity, on your mission to prove that Mars is still a real thing and not just some red Styrofoam ball hung up in the sky by our government to fool the Russians. May you eventually ferret out their legions of ant people and discover their weaknesses so that we may strike first and assert our dominance. U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!!
And also, Curiosity, bring us lots of facts that support the things I learned in school, because I really don’t want my kids to think I’m some sort of idiot or anything like that. But I do make some of the best baked goods on earth, so maybe I’ll be able to buy their respect with these things right here:
Clockwise from front: The Duckie, Bea Arthur, Hot Sundae, Funky Monkey
Duckie: Peanut cake, peanut butter pudding, marshmallow buttercream, roasted peanuts
Bea Arthur: Black coffee chocolate cake, cheesecake buttercream, espresso ganache
Hot Sundae: Chocolate cake, vanilla buttercream, maraschino cherry, hot fudge sauce
Funky Monkey: Banana chocolate chip cake, peanut butter buttercream, banana chip, ganache