Robicelli's

So on Monday, I got a few frantic emails and texts asking me if I had completely lost my mind.  Apparently everyone I know - we’re talking my friends, my agent, my family- couldn’t figure out that Monday’s post was an April Fool’s Day joke until they got all the way down to the disclaimer waaaaaaay at the bottom. 

Let’s look at that fact a little closer. Halfway through the post, I featured this picture:

And yet everyone I know STILL thought this was a serious post for several more paragraphs. I don’t think this speaks as poorly for them and their gullibility as it does for me, and the fact that the people who know me best would honestly think that a picture of Grover Cleveland as a chicken could be a legitimate part of my logic process.

I won’t let peoples doubts about my competency as a human being kill my buzz over the fact that with our April Fools post, my writers block seems to be officially over!!! Let’s not pretend that this blog hasn’t been sucking something awful for a few weeks and I’ve totally been phoning it in, because I have, and I completely apologize for that.

I went through a massive depression after completing the book, which I wasn’t really expecting. I spent the better part of 18 months with my entire life revolving around planning, proposing, selling, writing, rewriting, RErewriting, photographing, and editing this thing, and then suddenly a few weeks ago my part was done, and the center of my universe was suddenly in someone elses hands. Now all I can really do is wait until October when I’ll be able to hold the finished book for the first time, pray people buy it, and that’s really about it.  

Apparently this is a very common thing amongst authors - someone in the industry compared it to having a baby, then immediately having the baby whisked away from you and returned when they’re 22 and “finished”.  Considering I’ve suffered from post partum depression before (which I chronicled here), I suppose I should have expected this (and of course I didn’t, because I am DUMB).  

Point is, being depressed and sitting down late at night, staring a blank computer screen, telling yourself “BE FUNNY NOW DAMNIT!!!”- that doesn’t work out as easily as you would hope. Also learned that eating a pint of ice cream will not somehow miraculously make the magic happen.

But Grover Cleveland has seemingly changed all of that! I’m back on the horse and ready to post things that make us all slightly dumber two times a week!

PS- Watch Happy Endings on ABC tonight because if this show gets cancelled there will be no ending my depression and I will hold you all responsible AND YOU WILL ALL FEEL MY WRATH.

I will also be making you hungry two times a week, regardless if my writing is any good or not! Like right now!

Toasted Almond: Almond cake, vanilla buttercream, toasted almonds

Chocolate Graham: Chocolate cake, graham cracker buttercream, ganache, graham crumbs

Pecan French Toast: Maple custard soaked cinnamon cake, maple cinnamon buttercream, maple glazed pecans

Hot Sundae: Chocolate cake, vanilla buttercream, chocolate fudge, marachino cherry

Hostess is dead. No more Twinkies, no more  Ho Hos, no more Ring Dings, no more Yodels (yup, they owned Drakes, too).

But I seriously need to remind you guys- these things were AWFUL. Every so often I get a craving for a Suzy Q or frozen Yodel, and I am floored at how much they taste like pure sugar and wax. Probably because as the cost of chocolate, butter and every single ingredient went up over the years yet people still demanded low, low prices, that’s exactly what they mostly became- sugar and parrafin wax (used as a commercial chocolate extender), held together with an ample amount of pure vegetable shortening.

Once upon a time someone realized this and started making cupcakes and other single sized baked goods from scratch again, and suddenly cupcakes became a massive phenomenon. Why? Because thanks to Hostess, we forgot how good dessert was supposed to taste. Cupcakes are not a new thing have been around FOREVER- Hostess, Drake’s et al just made them unremarkable for you. 

I say good riddance. People have highers standards now. People are willing to pay more for something that actually tastes good rather than something east something barely acceptable that’s cheap. I mean, if you’re going to put all those calories in your body, they should taste good, right?

So why not go out and eat one of these today? This is the last appearance of these flavors until fall of 2013, so take advantage before they disappear just like Twinkies have. Particularly the Chocolate Graham, as Sandy wiped out the Biscoff spread warehouse in NYC, and we’re facing a massive speculoos shortage.

Today is really just fulled of bad pastry news, ain’t it?

Brown Sugar Pumpkin: Brown sugar cake, chocolate pumpkin buttercream, ganache

Chocolate Graham: Chocolate cake, graham cracker buttercream, ganache, graham cracker crumbs

Butternut Spice: Butternut squash cake, vanilla buttercream, candied spiced pumpkin seeds, butternut squash seed oil

Pear Mascarpone: Pear cake, mascarpone buttercream, pear chip

I have now been inside for two whole freaking weeks.

Yep.

So, erm- what’s the weather been like? Is it nice outside? It’s been nice in here too. My mom sent over a pair of fleece sweatpant that are super comfortable, and I’ve been wearing them for a few days now. 

They’re, um, you know, really great.

Let’s see…….hmmmmm…….oh! I caught up on a whole bunch of tv shows that I haven’t had time to watch for years, like Damages and RuPaul’s Drag Race. Kinda sucks though because everyone else has already seen them, so I can’t really go on Facebook and talk about my reactions and feelings with other people. My cats watch with me, but I’m totally not at that stage of cabin fever where they can talk.

Yet.

I’m writing a lot, which is good. This time next year the book will be out, and I’ll hopefully be on tour somewhere. I hope I get to go to Pittsburgh, because I was there once ten years ago and I really liked it. I remember grabbing lunch at a ChiChi’s where my waitress decided she needed to sit with me because she was really impressed that I was from Brooklyn, and in exchange for me telling her all about what it was like to live there, she told me about her methadone addiction. I had a chimichanga. Is that a real Spanish word? Chimichanga? I think the more I say it, the more made up it sounds. “Chimichanga”. CHIMMEY-CHON-GAAAAHHHH.

I bought a new shirt, too! Off the internet! It’s really nice. I’m looking forward to wearing in a week or so when I’m off my major bedrest. 

*sigh*

Guys- go outside today and ENJOY THE CRAP OUT OF IT. Because you don’t understand how lucky you are to do such simple, stupid things- like going to the grocery store to get an avocado, or ridiculous stupid minutia that I totally miss.

One more week. One more week and I’m going to be up and out of bed. I’m going to go buy an avocado, go have a latte, then maybe hit the post office and mail the f**k out of some letters. It’s going to be amazing.

Now plot about how you’re going to leave your desk today and go get yourself a brownie, or a whoopie pie, or one of these cupcakes. And really enjoy every single second of today, because, well, it’s only going to be today once! 

Clockwise from front: Chocolate Graham, Pumpkin Pie, Apple Maple Crisp, Butterbeer

Chocolate Graham: Chocolate cake, graham cracker buttercream, ganache, graham cracker crumbs

Butterbeer: Butterscotch soaked cake, butterscotch buttercream, edible gold dust

Pumpkin Pie: Pumpkin cake, vanilla buttercream, crushed pie dough

Apple Maple Crisp: Apple maple cake, vanilla buttercream, roasted apple butter, oat crisp, maple syrup

I can’t write a lengthy Tumblr today because I’m totally busy working on something in MS Paint. More soon. 

Also, I don’t know if MS Paint needs a spokesperson, but that should TOTALLY be me. I can totally vouch how with several hours of hard work, anyone can make a drawing that looks like it was crafted by a very, very dumb child. OR a very, very smart monkey! Yeah, that last one sounds totally better.

Clockwise from front: Bourbon Caramel Apple, Pecan Potato Chip, Chocolate Graham, Pumpkin Spice Latte

Bourbon Caramel Apple: Apple cake, bourbon salted caramel buttercream, roasted apple, bourbon salted caramel

Pecan Potato Chip: Potato chip cake, vanilla buttercream, roasted pecan, crushed potato chips, salted butterscotch

Chocolate Graham: Chocolate cake, graham cracker buttercream, ganache, graham crumbs

Pumpkin Spice Latte: Pumpkin cake, espresso mascarpone buttercream, crushed chocolate espresso beans

We have a new website theme! Why? Because I’ve always hated the old one and just never got around to changing it. We’ve been talking about “our new website design” in theory for ages now- every time it nears the top of the To-Do list a new project comes up and knocks it down a few notches. Currently I’m elbows deep in a few other things and realized I should stop fooling myself about getting it done anytime soon, so I just picked something from Tumblr’s selection and then fell asleep. However, now the “hidden” jokes I leave in the tags are in bold and on top of the post- so you’re going to have to ignore them, read the whole post, then scroll up again for them to make sense. I’m sure that will work for you guys.

Not let’s forget about all that ultra-riveting crap and get straight to this past weekend, and the epicness of Meatopia:

You probably want me to talk about meat, but I want to talk about the fact that I spent 30 minutes making my hair look freaking awesome and it lasted about 10 minutes in the elements. Pictured above is what my hair looked like after the first pass…..

…..THEN THESE STUPID JERKFACE ELEMENTS HAPPENED!!! And by the time came at the end of the night for us to start passing around 2,000 sea salt brownies, I looked like this: 

I’m thinking that might be why when I’d ask people “Would you care for a Robicelli’s Sea Salt Brownie?”, 90% of people asked me “Are these ‘special’ brownies?”. And if you think that figure is pure hyperbole, I will assure you it’s not. Ninety-freaking-percent. This happens at EVERY SINGLE EVENT WE DO. Because, you know, it would be a very smart business decision for me to be lacing my product with drugs.   

For the last time, America, no, there are no drugs in our brownies. In fact, I’m pretty sure that there are no drugs in ANY commercially made brownies- not Entemann’s, not Little Debbie, not anyone. Sorry to disappoint you. 

As for Meatopia? Jeni’s Splendid Ice Cream was as good as everyone has said, and Jeni herself is incredible (there’s pictures of us up on Facebook).  April Bloomfield and Alex Guarnachelli are total sweethearts in person. And the best thing we ate…

….were these spit-roasted beef short ribs with castelvetrano olives, celery walnuts and horseradish, prepared by Justin Smillie of NYC’s own Il Buco Alimentari. These alone with worth the price of the ticket (though getting to eat that insanely delicious hog collar prepared by LA’s Kris Yenbamroong made the event EXTRA awesome).

Jealous you couldn’t make it? Well check out all the OTHER events we’re doing this fall, like The Brooklyn Local, The Botanic Gardens’ Chile Pepper Fiesta, Food & Wine’s SWEET, and more. We always try to bring something extra special to each one. Not that these normal rotation cupcakes aren’t special- we love them just as much, and are pretty sure you will, too.

Clockwise from front: Pecan Potato Chip, Tres Leches, Chocolate Graham, CPB

Pecan Potato Chip: Potato chip cake, vanilla buttercream, roasted pecans, salted butterscotch

Tres Leches: Three milk soaked brown butter cake, dulce de leche buttercream, caramel shards

Chocolate Graham: Chocolate cake, graham cracker buttercream, ganache, graham cracker crumbs

CPB: Chocolate cake, peanut butter buttercream, ganache, roasted peanuts

It’s the last day of August, and our shop at DeKalb Market is GONE. Donezo. And Matt and I couldn’t be more stoked- sometimes to make great strides forward, you need to take a step back and realign yourself. 

Reminder to everyone in Downtown Brooklyn- you can still get all of our stuff at GOLD STREET EATERY, which is three blocks away from our old shop and on the corner of Gold & Myrtle. You still get all the same cupcakes, brownies and whoopie pies, and I have time to pursue other projects without having to worry if the store is out of napkins or things like that. Projects like opening up a new “store within a store” at Gourmet Guild this weekend. Projects like putting our hot cocoa in bags to make sure that all of you have the most delicious way ever to stay toasty this winter. Projects like finishing writing this book and making sure that it’s so amazing that I win the Nobel Prize for “Keeping it Real”. Because yeah, this book is so real, you might need all new underwear after reading it. Especially the section where I talk about different types of butter- that part is pretty hardcore.

Of course this exists on the internet. Of course it does.

Anyway, another project I’m thinking about taking up is our Facebook Page. I’ve never really done anything with it because, to be honest, in my personal life I HATE interacting with businesses over Facebook. As a 32 years old workaholic and mother of two, Facebook is the only place I can reasonably catch up with my friends across the world and tune out of my life a bit- I don’t need Walgreen’s showing up bombarding me with messages about how Listerine is a dollar off if I “like” them. This is why, to this date, FB’s main purpose has been posting the days flavors at the shop, and reposting the days Tumblr. Not too exciting.

Now with the shop closed, it has no purpose, and I feel like it SHOULD. Truth is, I’m not sure what it is yet. Right now our social media profile sort of looks like this:

Tumblr: We’ve built an amazing community for my writing right here on Tumblr with over 27,500 subscribers and 50k+ direct visitors. Also, this is how my mom keeps up with what’s going on in my life.

Twitter: sort of like the this blog but only in real time. 15% business, 80% “other”, 5% “REALLY other”. Also a great place to interact with me personally if you have questions about anything, need information you can’t find on this website, or follow along with my lifelong quest to eventually hold a koala, even though one of our followers kindly pointed out that they’re apparently rife with chlamydia. Twitter’s also good for killing dreams, in case you didn’t know.

Also, I’m totally ok with getting an STD from a koala, because AWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Instagram is where I post pictures of things that inspire me in my daily life, my adventures around NYC and beyond, and occasional food porn (even though I hate that term). 

I don’t go anywhere near Pinterest as it reminds me of World of Warcraft, but instead of severely addictive role playing and strategy games, it’s 5 billion pictures of shoes and Marilyn Monroe quotes. You try to hack your way through all that crap for the sake of “business”, next thing you know it’s six days later and you’ve got hundreds of pictures picked out for your dream wedding, forgetting that you’re already married and your husband has been in the room the whole time begging you to just get up and take a shower because you’re totally grossing him out. I’m not wading back in there without a chaperone. 

As you see, running our social media already takes up a ton of my time, and I’m covering a lot of bases already.  This brings me back to my initial point: Facebook. Since I’ve already made the decisions and taken the reins on all my other platforms, why don’t YOU tell me what you want to see on Facebook? Want me to keep it all about the business? Post more news from behind the scenes here? Moderate discussions that will bring all you sexy people together? Want me to just stay the hell out of it as a whole? You’re giving me the privilege of putting content in YOUR timeline- I want to respect it.

Also know that if you don’t put in your two cents, there’s a good chance I’m going to just keep posting stuff like this. And probably about the brownies and cupcakes too, since that’s sort of our job and all. Plus we’re, like, REALLY good at baking, so it would be pretty stupid not to be talking about that.

Clockwise from front: Chocolate Graham, Pecan French Toast, Tres Leches, Key Lime Cheesecake

Chocolate Graham: Chocolate cake, graham cracker buttercream, chocolate ganache, graham cracker crumbs

Pecan French Toast: Maple custard soaked cinnamon cake, maple cinnamon buttercream, maple glazed pecans

Tres Leches: Three milk soaked brown butter cake, dulce de leche buttercream, caramel shards

Key Lime Cheesecake: Graham cracker cake, key lime curd, key lime cheesecake buttercream, graham crumbs, lime zest (pssst- last appearance this year!)

Giants win. Tebow passes 316 (coincidence?). The only way next weekend could get more epic is if you had Robicelli’s meat cupcakes.  SO ORDER THEM ALREADY!!!!

Now I’ll get straight to today’s flavors, and back to being in bed, sick, wishing that my mom would come over and make me chicken soup. Or that she’ll read this blog and make it.  I love you, Mommy. :)

And check out the Chocolate Graham! It got introduced super quick last fall and sort of got lost in all the seasonal craziness- but it’s super delicious!

Clockwise from front: PB&J, Chocolate Graham, Banana Cream Pie, Liddabit

PB&J: Vanilla cake, grape jelly, peanut butter buttercream, roasted peanuts

Chocolate Graham: Chocolate cake, graham cracker buttercream, ganache, graham cracker crumbs

Banana Cream Pie: Banana cake, vanilla pudding, vanilla custard buttercream, banana chip, graham cracker crumbs

Liddabit: Chocolate cake, salted caramel nougat buttercream, ganache, roasted peanuts

Available at:

Cafe at Sam’s Bakery:  94th off 3rd, Bay Ridge

Aloha Grinds: 77th and 3rd, Bay Ridge

Bagel Schmagel: 76th and 3rd, Bay Ridge

Crespella: 7th Ave off 9th Street, Park Slope

Tazza Cafes: Clark off Henry AND Henry off Atlantic, Brooklyn Heights

Cake Shop: Ludlow btwn Stanton & Rivington, LES

Queen City Cupcakes: West Main Street, Patchogue, Long Island

Red Hook Lobster Pound Classic Whoopie Pies Only

Today I’m not going to hound you to preorder Thanksgiving cupcakes.  No, today I’m going to hound you about why you should sign up for Samplrs!

What is this “Samplrs”, you ask?  It’s actually an idea so smart, I’m really shocked that no one has thought of it before.  Like how when I saw the Snuggie I was all like “I have been complaining about the lack of armholes on my blanket for YEARS!”, or when I saw the Big Top Cupcake and I was like “DAMNIT! I just thought that big cupcakes were called ‘Cakes’, and I was apparently so wrong! We could be making a freaking FORTUNE! I AM SO STUPID!”.  It’s exactly like that.

You know all these great little food companies that keep popping up on the blogs or in the papers? All the small businesses starting out that don’t have the money or capital for mass distribution? It would be great if you could try them all, but with them all being in select stores, it’s nearly impossible to track them all down.

This is where Samplrs comes in.  Once a month for $30, they’ll bring a beautiful reusable tote bag full of assorted goodies TO YOUR HOUSE. Meaning not only do you not have to drag your ass all over town to try this stuff- now you don’t even have to wear pants!

You know those brownies we make that keep selling out faster than we can make them? Well those are going into this months tote bags. And because I asked nicely, they are extending this month’s sign-up deadline through the weekend just for you guys.  How sweet is that?

I don’t know what other surprises you’ll be finding in this month’s bag, but based on some of the people their owner told me he was speaking to, I’m almost positive it’ll be insanely delicious.  And let’s not forget the whole “not having to wear pants” thing. That really sort of sells me on just about anything.

Today, however, I think you should put on pants, and go out to try these yummy cupcakes, especially this insanely delicious new flavor that won’t make it back until January.  It’s also the last appearance of the Brown Sugar Pumpkin this year, so go git!

Clockwise from front: Brown Sugar Pumpkin, Chocolate Graham, Pecan French Toast, Abuelita

NEW! Chocolate Graham: Chocolate cake, graham cracker buttercream, chocolate fudge, graham cracker crumbs

Brown Sugar Pumpkin: Brown sugar cake, pumpkin chocolate buttercream, ganache

Pecan French Toast: Maple custard soaked cinnamon cake, maple cinnamon buttercream, maple glazed pecans

Abuelita: Chocolate cinnamon cake, cajeta buttercream, ground Abuelita chocolate

Available at:

Robicelli’s at DeKalb Market: Corner of Flatbush & Willoughby, Downtown Brooklyn

Cafe at Sam’s Bakery: 94th Street off Third Avenue, Bay Ridge

Aloha Grinds: 76th and Third Ave, Bay Ridge

Bagel Schmagel: 76th and Third Ave, Bay Ridge

Tazza: Clark Street off Henry AND Henry off Atlantic, Brooklyn Heights

Blue Apron Foods: Union Street off 7th Avenue, Park Slope

Court Street Grocers: Court Street off Luquer, Carroll Gardens

NEW LOCATION! The West: 379 Union Avenue, Williamsburg

Eastern District: Manhattan Ave off Eagle Street, Greenpoint

Brooklyn Standard: Nassau & Jewel, Greenpoint

Cake Shop: Ludlow St btwn Standon & Rivington, LES

Sons of Essex: Essex St btwn Stanton & Rivington, LES

Joe Columbia University: West 120th btwn Broadway & Amsterdam, Morningside Heights

Brooklyneer: 220 West Houston, West Village

Queen City Cupcakes: 62 West Main Street, Patchogue, Long Island 

Red Hook Lobster Pound: Van Brunt Street, Red Hook; Brooklyn Flea; Smorgasburg; Roving Food Truck (Whoopie Pies Only)