Robicelli's

In the five years we’ve been in business, I’ve always juggled about 900 things at the same time. This week I’m finally getting close to heading down to Disney World and getting myself cloned (you KNOW Disney has that technology hidden away somewhere).  I’ve been terribly behind on updating this blog and keeping you all in the loop on various projects — here’s why:

#1: THE BOOK

It has a cover and a layout! It’s like so freaking close you can already buy a copy!!! However, it’s not really done yet — I’m currently in the stage where I get to read through the entire book with a fine toothed comb looking for spelling errors, typos, and making sure all the recipes are correct.  I’d always wonder how books ended up with mistakes with all those smart people involved in the publishing process.  Now that I’ve been through it myself, I am honestly surprised there are not more mistakes in all the books we read.  Matt and I are stressing out trying to make sure there are none in our book, so we’re putting in extra hours and snorting a lot of espresso grounds to keep us on point.

When I’m not twitching, vomiting and gouging at my own flesh with a red pen, I’ve been doing lots of advance press for the book, meeting magazine editors and giving them the two minute pitch about how I’m the greatest person ever and they should buy my book.  It’s like speed dating, which I’m awful at. I was awful at dating period.  Only reason I got Matt to marry me was I got him drunk (that story is in the book!).  Plus, as regular readers know by now, I’m Catholic, and being proud of yourself is a HUGE sin.  So I’ve been doing a lot of meeting important people saying things like “Eh- I’m alright I guess.  I mean, you should buy my book and all.  There’s a lot of other books though that are really good, too. I guess mine’s pretty ok — you can write about it if you want.  I don’t want to force you or anything.  I mean, not like I’m going to be totally devastated or anything if you hate it!  Because, you know, I’m totally a big girl and not freaking out even a little about the acceptance of my peers! That’s me — Mrs. Cool!”.  (please buy my book)

#2: Writing For CNN

That’s right, I wrote something for C-N-f***king-N! And I totally forgot to post it here because I’m an idiot. So here it is! Read it!  And if you like the piece, know that we’re still not done with our fundraiser to help Moore, Oklahoma.  We didn’t want people to forget us after Sandy, and we absolutely cannot forget either Oklahoma, or the men and women of Team Rubicon who are rebuilding their town like they did for us.  Make a donation — even $10 is spectacular — and help us inch towards our goal of $15,000 by the fourth of July.

#3: Writing for Medium

Medium is brought to you by the inventors of Twitter and Blogger, and is being heralded as “The Future of Online Journalism”,  And for some reason they offered me an actual honest to goodness biweekly column, where my stuff gets looked at my editors and goes through multiple drafts and I get paid and everything.  So my A-game is going to be over there, and the poor syntax, grammar, and punctuation you’ve grown to know and love will be staying right here on our Tumblr.  

Thusfar I’ve written four articles for them, including a thorough takedown of the Googa Mooga debacle (is it just me or does that already feel like it happened forever ago? Though I still have all this bottled water in my apartment…..).  If you haven’t had the chance to read them, here they are!

Cupcake Wars 4.23.13

Letter to a First Time Father 5.6.13

What Tourists Need To Know About NYC 5.17.13

The “Great” Googa Mooga 5.24.13

#4: More Writing

I’m working on three other writing projects right now.  There’s so much writing going on that I finally bought a new laptop last week to replace the one that has been dying a slow painful death for months, and still haven’t had the time to switch all my crap over.  I don’t want to forget to do it and lose all the MS Paint classics I’ve got stored on this thing.

I don’t even remember why I drew this, but it gives me unending joy when I accidentally stumble across it.

#5: Sesame Place

You know you’re stressed when you think picking up and hightailing it to Sesame Place with two young sons will be relaxing. Within 6 hours of our “vacation” we had an emergency room visit. Oddly, still more soothing than being home.

#6: Stuff I Can’t Tell You Yet

Don’t you just HATE it when I pull this crap? You should! But part of my job is working really hard on projects that I have to sign non-disclosure agreements and various other legal forms, and when those things become the center of my universe, I end up having nothing to talk about when I sit down to write the Tumblr.  Long term gain, short term loss.  Sorry.

#7: Baking Stuff

Like whoopie pies that are showing up from here to Montauk! Brownies! Loaf cakes! And of course, the cupcakes!

Bailey’s Cheesecake: Bailey’s chocolate cake, Bailey’s cheesecake buttercream, chocolate cake crumbs

Banoffee: Banana cake, toffee pudding, mascarpone buttercream, homemade toffee shards

The Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Horchata: Horchata cake, pudding and buttercream, cinnamon sugar rice krispies 

BIG DAY THIS WEDNESDAY!

We’re going to be at The World’s Largest Bakesale at Grand Central Station with Sandra Lee! And YES I had to use the picture where she’s dressed up like Cher!

This event benefits Share Our Strength’s “No Kid Hungry” campaign, and all money made that day will go directly to helping eradicating childhood hunger in America. Not just profits — every single cent we make.  And we’re bringing well over 1,000 pieces, so we’re hoping you’ll come down for the day and help us do some serious damage.

And it’s not just us! You’ll be able to buy stuff from over thirty awesome bakeries and restaurants, including places like Del Posto, Jean Georges, Gramercy Tavern and more.  You are going to eat better than you ever have in your entire freaking life, you’ll be helping feed needy kids, AND if we all sell out, we’ll have officially set a world record for the largest bakesale in history. Don’t you want to be a part of that?

If all that do-gooding and dessert eating wasn’t enough for you, there’s some awesome people co-chairing this event: aside from Ms. Lee, there’s Martha Stewart, Mario Batali, Emerill Lagasse, and WENDY FREAKING WILLIAMS.

She doesn’t need to be dressing up like Cher - Wendy Freaking Williams really is just that damn faboosh. That wasn’t even a real word, but that’s the type of woman she is. You need to make up a whole separate book of brand spanking new adjectives for Wendy Freaking Williams. Things like “Batankah” and “Schmoovious”. Lowly, simple, common English words would never be able to do the enormity of this woman justice.  I don’t know if she’ll personally be there, but if I encounter Wendy Freaking Williams, I may pass out because my body cannot handle the amount of awesome she radiates.

Now to the menu.  We’ll be bringing:

-Limited Edition Mint Julep Pound cake (made with lots of real Kentucky bourbon — great to have on hand for some Derby watchin’ this weekend)

-Our Famous Carrot Cake

-Mini Brownies Sampler: featuring our Classic Sea Salt and Fany (cajeta cinnamon) varieties

-Ultimate Nutella Whoopie Pie: Valrhona chocolate shells filled with Nutella buttercream and crunchy hazelnut praline

You’ll have to head to Grand Central Station on Wednesday beginning at 10am to get your hands on that particular stuff, but you can head to some of our retail partners right now and pick up brownies, whoopie pies, cakes, and these cupcakes we made last night. They are also pretty damn faboosh if I do say so myself.

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Dom DeLuise: Pistachio cake, cannoli cream buttercream, roasted pistachios, candied citron, chocolate chips

Liddabit: Chocolate cake, salted caramel nougat buttercream, roasted peanuts, ganache & caramel drizzle

Funky Monkey: Banana chocolate chip cake, peanut butter buttercream, banana chip, ganache

It’s MARCH everyone! Already! We’re just plowing through this year like a thoroughbred racehorse on cocaine!

We’ve been waiting for March 1st forever, because today’s the day……

THE RED HOOK LOBSTER POUND REOPENS!!!

Over four months after being completely destroyed by Sandy, the best lobster roll in the world is coming back to Red Hook tomorrow! And there will be $20 lobster dinners, lobster mac & cheese, lobster BLTs, lobster chowdah……oh the hell with it, here’s the menu:

Know what else they’ll be serving? Our famous whoopie pies are coming back! Not only that, since tomorrow’s kinda a special day, we’re doing something very special….

BEHOLD THE BEAUTY THAT IS OUR BLUEBERRY COBBLER WHOOPIE PIE.

This is our classic vanilla whoopie filling with homemade wild Maine blueberry compote and brown sugar streusel. And it tastes like victory. You can get them tomorrow starting at noon at:

Red Hook Lobster Pound

284 Van Brunt Street, Brooklyn

And aside from Whoopies, here’s the first cupcakes of March. Suck it, Sandy! Red Hook is back!

Hazelnut Kiss: Chocolate hazelnut cake, Nutella buttercream, roasted hazelnuts

Bananas Foster: Banana cake, rum salted caramel buttercream and drizzle

Ellie: Walnut orange cake, espresso ganache, vanilla buttercream, roasted walnuts

Dark Chocolate Dulce: Dark chocolate cake, dulce de leche buttercream, dark chocolate ganache, sea salt

It’s a brand new month, which means…….IT’S FANY FEBRUARY!

Maybe you don’t know what Fany February is- particularly since I made it up. But it’s super awesome! Promise!

Many of you here in NYC know Fany Gerson as the owner of La Newyorkina, maker of the best paletas (aka Mexican ice pops) on earth. Some of you around the country as the author of My Sweet Mexico, one of the greatest cookbooks ever written. Matt and I know her as a good friend, and one of the most wonderful, generous people we have ever known.

We used to share a kitchen with Fany, but last year she moved to Red Hook. And when Sandy came, it destroyed everything in her kitchen. She has two of these gigantic machines that allow her to make and freeze the paletas- without them, she’s only be able to prepare a small amount of product every day (that is, if Sandy hadn’t also destroyed her freezers). Each of those machines cost over $20,000. They also come from Argentina, so the freight costs are significant. Both machines were completely submerged by saltwater and were irreparably destroyed.

Fany ran a successful Kickstarter and has been working her ass off to get her company back to where it was, but to be honest, she’s just trying to get back up and running. As someone who’s been her friend for years, this girl has put EVERYTHING into La Newyorkina- blood, sweat, tears, lost sleep (LOTS of lost sleep)- and there is no reason she needs to be finding ways to just squeak by by the skin of her teeth because the insurers are finding creative ways to deny her claims, no reason why she should be sitting home with her fingers crossed that her FEMA loans will be approved and she’ll be able to get back to business as usual.

And hopefully, she won’t have a reason. Because Fany has a lot of friends who love her very, very much. 

Starting today and continuing til the end of the month, we are donating a chunk of the profits of our Fany brownie directly to the lovely Ms. Gerson (and yes, this brownie was named after her). It’s our dark chocolate brownie base spiked with Mexican cinnamon, swirled with sweet sexy cajeta. You can order them online in both 4 and 12 packs- get some for yourself to store in the freezer for any time you need a quick hit of chocolate, or send some to someone you love for Valentine’s Day or Lincoln’s Birthday.

And that’s not all! It wouldn’t be warranted for us to declare this Fany February if it was just little old us- LOTS of her friends are pitching in to help our girl out! Here’s who’s signed on so far:

Whimsy & Spice: Portion of the profits from their whisky cookie (Fany’s favorite)

Danny Macaroons: Special dulce de leche macaroon available at select locations

Liddabit Sweets: Portion of all profits from items sold at the Brooklyn Flea

Butter & Scotch: Portion of profits from Mexican Chocolate at Brooklyn Flea

Roni Sue’s Chocolates: 50% of the Chili Lover’s Collection

Brooklyn Cured: Portion of profits from the Park Slope Farmer’s Market

We’ll be adding more friends as people return my emails- if you’d also like to be a part of Fany February, shoot me an email at allison at robicellis.com and I’ll add you to the master list up top! And I’ll make sure everyone on Twitter knows about it!

And now off brownies, and onto the cupcakes that are in today’s rotation. They’re plenty delicious, too. You should eat them AND order brownies, because why the hell not? It’s Friday, right?

Tres Leches: Three milk soaked brown butter cake, dulce de leche buttercream, caramel shards

Chai Latte: Chai spiced cake, mascarpone buttercream, toasted chai spices

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, cake crumbs

Banana Cream Pie: Banana cake, vanilla custard, custard buttercream, banana chip, graham cracker crumbs

So this week we have to shoot the cover for our upcoming cookbook, because THIS didn’t get approved.

I see that, I get hungry for cupcakes. Apparently, I’m the only one.

Fortunately our photographer/friend Eric Isaac is doing a pretty amazing job so far, even with the (hopefully temporary) moratorium on nudity in our book. I can’t show you any photos yet - you’re just going to have to wait til October 17th like everyone else (sorry, Mom) - but if you follow me on Instagram, you’ll occasionally get behind the scenes pics of Eric setting up shots, or sous photographer Fernando teaching me about lighting, or me figuring out what I want to order for lunch (not actual pictures of my lunch though- that’s just annoying).

Other exciting news today- IT’S MATT’S BIRTHDAY!!!

We’ll be celebrating with a romantic birthday dinner catered by the same people who catered our wedding over six years ago:

Not even kidding about that a little bit. White Castle is synonymous with romance. If you can’t score reservations for our one night only pop-up dessert restaurant at The Owl’s Head for Valentine’s Day, you may want to consider calling White Castle to see if you can score a reservation over there. That’s where Matt and I would be if we didn’t have to work that night (though once we finally get home there may be a little romantic late night slider eating competition in bed, followed by a few minutes of cuddling, then probably telling Matt he needs to go sleep on the couch and he’s never allowed to eat White Castle again).

And speaking of Valentine’s, we’re going to start taking orders for V-Day delivery come Wednesday (we’re also taking Mardi Gras orders right now via email if that’s your thing). AND we’re about 99.9% set on our menu of plated desserts based on our cupcakes that were inspired by plated desserts! BEHOLD- VALENTINE’S 2013 AT THE OWL’S HEAD!

First Course: Pear Mascarpone
Mascarpone panna cotta, roasted pear compote, spiced pear chip

Second Course: The Noah
Apple galette, goat cheese mousse, roasted candied bacon, bourbon brown sugar sauce

Third Course: Car Bomb
Jameson whiskey, Bailey’s Irish Cream & Guinness stout opera cake, Guinness beer nut praline

Wine pairings courtesy of The Owl’s Head- contact them for reservations ASAP, as the place is super small and is already filling up!

Now for today’s cupcakes- one of my favorites, Pecan Potato Chip, is back after a lengthy hiatus! It’s so good it might bake you explode…..WITH JOY!!!

The Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

The Hinsch: Chocolate malted cake, vanilla buttercream, malted chocolate sauce, homemade malted milk balls

Blueberry Cobbler: Vanilla cake, blueberry syrup, vanilla buttercream, wild Maine blueberry compote, brown sugar streusel

Pecan Potato Chip: Pecan potato chip cake, vanilla buttercream, roasted pecans, crushed potato chips, salted butterscotch

We are one day away from the first puck drop of the 2013 Rangers season! And though as a lifelong Ranger fan I’m always hoping for the best but bracing myself for the inevitable soul-crushing disappointment, this year is different! We’re always amazing the first half of the season, then somewhere midway everything goes to hell and the amount of screaming that goes on in this household exponentially increases.

However- THIS year thanks to the contractual lockout- we’re only getting a first half of the season! By the time the Rangers reach the point they’re supposed to start sucking horribly, the season is already over! There’s no way we’re not winning the cup this year!

In other news- Matt was on Sweet Genius this past week (with a cameo from me and the boys). However it’s not online, so there’s nothing fun I can post here. Nor should I post any of my thoughts on the show here without completely torpedoing my career or whatever tenuous relationship I currently have with Food Network. Nor am I allowed to make any commentary about that photo above, or talk about the kinds of things we do at home while speaking in his accent. This is really killing me, guys.

I’ll just say if you see the episode “Sci-Fi Genius”, you should Tivo it. Matt looks super sexy (as always), and I’m very proud of him for not passing out since they filmed this in a pastry kitchen under hot lights in the middle of July. I’ll also say that both Matt, myself, and the entire Robicelli’s team ADORE Ron Ben-Israel- he’s as sweet at the cakes he makes. 

Now onto flavors- it’s been a while, but today is a BRAND SPANKING NEW FLAVOR day! Heading to stores today is Banoffee- a banana cake filled with toffee pudding, topped with mascarpone buttercream and homemade toffee candy. This is an incredibly popular kind of pie over in England, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why it isn’t on this side of the pond. Hopefully you’ll try this cupcake and agree, and perhaps some small to medium-sized riots will bread out that will force more pubs and restaurants to put this on the menu. I mean, if we can have “Cupcake Wars”, then CERTAINLY rioting over them is also appropriate.  

NEW! Banoffee: Banana cake, toffee pudding, mascarpone buttercream, toffee shards

Tiramisu: Espresso soaked cake, espresso ganache, mascarpone buttercream, cocoa powder

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Dom DeLuise: Pistachio cake, cannoli buttercream, chopped citron, pistachios and mini chocolate chips

Every year I do a Thanksgiving post that mentions all the things I’m thankful for.

I don’t even know where to begin this year.

I’m of course thankful for the usual things: amazing kids, doing what I love for a living, incredible customers, and being married to an incredibly hot piece of ass. You all already know about those things. I’m also thankful that my business, while set back a tad, wasn’t completely destroyed. That Bay Ridge was spared when so many neighborhoods I love weren’t. That my family is safe.

I have lived in Brooklyn all my life, as did my father before me, and his father before him. Crazy thing about kids from Brooklyn- this isn’t a “place” to us, it’s not simple a hometown. 

It’s sticking your head out of the window and screaming at your friends on the street- many times while in a moving vehicle. Now that I’m thinking about that one, that’s really not smart. We should probably stop doing that.

The knowing everyone’s mother and grandmother. Particularly the ones who barely spoke English, but knew enough to always tell you that you “looked too skinny” and would feed you a little something.

The fact that “a little something” is a giant plate of meatballs, or stuffed cabbage, or pernil, or a nice fat slab of spanikopita.

The riceballs. Not “Oh, you don’t really know how it’s done until you go to Italy like I did when I backpacked through Europe and had authentic (say in randomly ethnic accent) arrrrr-an-CHEEEE-neeee”. Not “arancini”. RICEBAAAAAAWWWWWWWLS. Big fat stinking riceballs the size of a small child’s head, covered in globs of sauce, ricotta and mozzarella.  You hit Joe’s of Avenue U if you want to know how the f*** it’s done.

Knowing that if anyone says “Meh, Joe’s is good, but it isn’t that good”, you will punch them square in the face, and no cop in Brooklyn would blame you. This also applies to Brennan & Carr, Randazzo’s, and Lioni’s. Don’t ask about pizza unless you want to hear us yelling amongst ourselves for hours on end (though the correct answer is Totonno’s. Yeah, I said it).

Also that you pronounced the riceball description as “covered in globs of sawce, riGOAT, and MUHTzarell”. You call anyone who says different a “mar-ah-KONE”, even if your family has, like mine, been in Brooklyn 100 years.

The accent. Years of speech classes as a teenager have made mine almost disappear, but you get me angry (or drunk) enough, and I sound like an extra in a Jimmy Cagney flick. Also, you should know if you know if you ever hear my accent you are possibly in imminent danger and should run away as quickly as possible.

The hip-hop and freestyle. Especially George LaMond. I don’t care how many hardcore and metal albums are in my collection- “Bad of the Heart” comes on, and I lose it every. single time. He’s also TOTALLY playing tonight in Bay Ridge, and I am TOTALLY going to be at home on my laptop working on getting holiday ordering up for you guys (December schedule’s up by the way!)

Biohazard, Indecision, Type O Negative, Candiria, Beastie Boys, and DEBBIE FREAKING GIBSON. We also gave the world Barry Manillow and Neil Diamond. YOU’RE WELCOME, REST OF THE WORLD.

The fact that you live in a place with over 3 million people EVERYONE finds a way that the’re connected. Everyone went to school with someone’s brother, or your first cousin watches some kid after school whose grandma lives next door to your best friend. You think I’m popular? You should meet my mother. One time when I was a kid we went to Disney World, and the guy driving the train on “The Great Movie Ride” knew who she was. Woman’s not even on the internet and she has more fans than any of us ever will. She runs a dental office in Bay Ridge.

Deep down, we’re all the take-no-prisoners tough guys and gals of legend, the type who will throw down any time and any place if someone or something goes after one of our own. 

I am so thankful that in this lifetime, I get to say that I am from Brooklyn. And I am thankful for every single one of my brothers and sisters here and in Staten Island (if you didn’t know, everyone from Staten Island is originally from Brooklyn. They even have their own Joe’s of Avenue U over there!). Sandy came for us, and we are standing together and swinging back. You DO NOT mess with Brooklyn. Ever.

I love you, Brooklyn, and I will never stop being proud of the person you made me, and what you have always been. Even before the New York Times found out about you.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge buttercream, chocolate cake crumbs

Pumpkin Spice Latte: Pumpkin cake, espresso mascarpone buttercream, chocolate espresso beans

Bourbon Caramel Apple: Apple cake, bourbon salted caramel buttercream, roasted apple, bourbon caramel drizzle

Sweet Potato Casserole: Sweet potato cake, toasted marshmallow buttercream, demerera sugar

Today is the absolutely, positively LAST day you can place a Thanksgiving order for the NYC area (our online store will start shipping out again next week).  So, you know, do that right now so I can put the Holiday ordering up and start bothering you guys about that. Seriously, Hanukkah is like 2 weeks away or something. Calendar’s all the way across the room and I don’t feel like getting up to check, but you can take my word for it.

I’m already all-in on the holidays- listening to Christmas carols, placing sugar cookie scented air fresheners all over our apartment, replacing all liquids in my diet with eggnog etc. I don’t want to hear anyone complaining about “Oh, the holidays start earlier and earlier every year! Blah blah blah Scrooge blah blah!”- there’s 47 weeks a year of the same old same old, and only FIVE where it’s all magic and sparkles and mistletoe and Hallmark Channel Christmas movies starring Candace Cameron Bure.

I LIVE FOR THIS CRAP AND I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO RUIN IT FOR ME.

As sad as it is that our fall flavors are going back into the vault for another year, we’ve now got only a few short weeks to enjoy the magic of Robicelli’s Christmas: holiday flavors like Creme Brulee & Cranberry Gingerbread, manic Tumblr posts that alternate between being swept up in the magic of Christmas and being six seconds away from selling my children to the circus, and live-tweeting lousy made-for-tv Christmas movies as if people who are reading actually have the faintest idea what I’m talking about (heads up: I will also be live-tweeting this Sunday’s world premiere of the Lindsay Lohan tour de force “Liz & Dick” if you want to follow along with me! @robicellis).

Right at this moment, let’s be happy that fall flavors are still here and eager to be eaten for a few more days til next September! They’re in lots of our locations today, so go grab one (or a few) and pre-game for Thanksgiving- or shove some in the freezer in in the event after dinner with your family on Thursday you’ll need to eat your feelings. That’s pretty much my plan every year.

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge buttercream, chocolate cake crumbs

Pumpkin Spice Latte: Pumpkin cake, espresso mascarpone buttercream, chocolate espresso beans

Bourbon Caramel Apple: Apple cake, bourbon salted caramel buttercream, roasted apple, bourbon caramel drizzle

Sweet Potato Casserole: Sweet potato cake, toasted marshmallow buttercream, demerera sugar

The cupcakes have gone to stores! Yay! And Allison’s going to be back blogging on Monday! DOUBLE YAY! And our online store is open for business! TRIPLE YAY!

Dom DeLuise: Pistachio cake, cannoli cream buttercream, chopped citron, roasted pistachio, mini chocolate chips

Tiramisu: Espresso soaked cake, espresso ganache, mascarpone buttercream, cocoa powder

The Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Pumpkin Spice Latte: Pumpkin cake, espresso mascarpone buttercream, crushed chocolate espresso beans

As Allison is focusing on recovering from being hit by a car, friends and fans of Robicelli’s have pitched in to keep the blog going. She will be back shortly, we promise. You can send her messages over Twitter and Facebook, where she is popping up sporadically. 

Today’s blog post was contributed by one of Allison’s favorite authors: Ken Wheaton.  Ken is the author of the The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival, and his second novel, Bacon & Egg Man, will be released later this year. Ken is originally from Louisiana, lives in Brooklyn, can be found blogging at KenWheatonWrites.com, and is, in Allison’s words “our generations Andy Rooney”.

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ADDENDUM ADDED ON 10/11- The following is a work of SATIRE. It is not true. There is no need to email/call us to ask if we really sold the company. Please read the into paragraph above that explains that this was written by Ken Wheaton as a fictional guest blog. We do appreciate the emails/phone calls- it’s nice to know that you guys were concerned.

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A Message From the New Management

                                                       by Ken Wheaton

Dear Valued Robicelli’s Customer,

We here at KRUMmy Cupcakes Inc. would like to take this opportunity to introduce ourselves as the new owner of Robicelli’s. As you may have heard, part of the Robicelli’s team ran into a little trouble recently – or, more accurately, a little trouble ran into her – and it was an honor, a privilege and, quite frankly, smart business for KRUMmy to step in and offer assistance by way of a buy-out.

Before we go any further, though, we’d like to clear up one thing. The driver of that vehicle was not an employee of our company and has never been on the KRUMmy payroll. Reports that he was seen leaving the country soon after the accident with bags of cash are little more than unfounded rumors.

But let us not dwell on the past. Let us look to the future, a future filled with exciting cupcakey goodness.

You may notice some small changes at Robicelli’s as we move forward. For example, we are pleased to announce our new flavor lineup.

1.      Chocolate with extra frosting.

2.      Red velvet with extra frosting.

3.      Cupcake stuffed with M&Ms, rolled in M&Ms, with extra frosting and then sprinkled with M&Ms.

Some of you will no doubt notice that we are moving away from Robicelli’s, shall we say, unique ideas about what a cupcake is. Here at KRUMmy  we firmly believe that when the good lord created cupcakes he never intended meat and other exotic ingredients to be involved. Fried chicken belongs in a bucket with French fries and olive oil belongs on pasta. Further, if a cupcake does not deliver two days’ worth of sugar, then it might as well be a muffin. And KRUMmy is not in the muffin business.

We will also be standardizing cupcake names as we feel that while noted Hollywood icons like Dom Deluise and Rue Mclanahan may be popular now, not every cupcake consumer is current in pop culture and may be confused by such names.

Regarding the size of cupcakes, KRUMmy doesn’t believe that one size fits all – unless that size is extra large. Therefore we will be phasing out Robicelli’s traditional cupcake size – we’ve tried a miniature line in the past and it did not sell as well as we’d like. Moving forward, Robicelli’s by KRUMmy cupcakes will serve six, weigh in at two pounds and require utensils. (A plate isn’t necessary – as long as you have a Shopvac handy to deal with the aftermath.)

These cupcakes will be available at local neighborhood retailers including: Gristedes, Key Food, The Met, C-Town, Target and, if you’re lucky enough to live near one, Walmart.

Once again, we are excited to be serving you, the Robicelli’s consumer and hope that you welcome us into your home and come to consider us part of your family.

—Peter I. Wankworth III, CEO, KRUMmy Cupcakes Inc.

Coming soon we’ll have posts from author Aaron Goldfarb, screenwriter John Capo, food bloggers and PR mavens and many more. But now there’s today’s cupcakes, plus lots of other good stuff going to stores all over NYC tomorrow. Enjoy!

Clockwise from front: Ebinger, Pecan Pie, Brown Sugar Pumpkin, Pear Mascarpone

The Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Brown Sugar Pumpkin: Brown sugar cake, chocolate pumpkin buttercream, ganache, demerera sugar

Pear Mascarpone: Pear cake, mascarpone buttercream, pear chip

Pecan Pie: Pecan molasses cake, vanilla buttercream, molasses glazed pecans

I survived the first day of school. Meaning that I successfully woke my ass up at 7am to drive my son there, and didn’t crash into a single thing. I’m a night owl, which may be why I was drawn to the kitchen in the first place. For the last few years, my workday ends somewhere between 2 and 4 am.

To put this into reference for you nine-to-fivers, imagine waking up at 3:00 in the morning to take your kids to school. That’s where I’m at right now, and SWEET JESUS THIS HURTS SO BAD. 

I didn’t bite the principal or anyone else, so I’ve got that going for me. For the moment.

Clockwise from front: Butterbeer, Ebinger, Hazelnut Kiss, Apple Peanut Butter

Butterbeer: Butterscotch soaked cake, butterscotch buttercream, gold dust

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Hazelnut Kiss: Chocolate hazelnut cake, Nutella buttercream, roasted hazelnuts

Apple Peanut Butter: Apple cake, peanut butter buttercream, peanut brittle

It’s time for school to start, meaning that as promised, I’m a hysterical mess! Weeeee!

Since this is our first year at kindergarten, I’m a newbie to this whole “Back to School” business, but I pretty much know what’s going to happen next. By mid next week, my house will be quiet, I’ll have time to go back to the gym, I’ll be able to work on my book in peace without hearing “Mommy, can I play Sesame Street dot org on your computer?” every five minutes, I can start watching Days of Our Lives again and yell at the tv while I’m supposed to be working (which I wouldn’t have to do if Sami just stopped making such bad decisions and just listened to her heart!). It’s going to be amazing.

Then you know what happens in two weeks? ROSH HASHANA. I get all stoked to have a life without “Mooooooom! He’s hiiiiiting me!!!” or “Mooooom! I got green beans in my pants!” (happens more often than you’d think). I get my routine down, get adjusted to the peace and quiet, then BOOM- I’ve got to find ways to impress them for four whole days in a row! 

Upon realizing that today, I also realized that even we’re barely feeling like it’s fall, it’s time to get the Rosh Hashana ordering up. Our “L’Shanah Tovah” is one of our oldest flavors, and only comes out once a year- our moist apple cake topped with honey vanilla buttercream, roasted apple, and drizzled with spiced honey. We’ve also got a pumpkin flavor on tap as well as others, and are stoked to announce our first ever brownie for the holiday: Chocolate Walnut Pomegranate!

But of course- we’re delivering, so if you’re looking to send a hostess gift or just a little something to friends or neighbors to wish them a sweet New Year, you really can’t go wrong with these. If you just need a few, I still heavily recommend pre-ordering, as we are only producing a limited quantity and preorders are your only chance of guaranteeing you get one.  You can order for pick-up at our Gourmet Guild Williamsburg location, or ask your local Robicelli’s vendor if they’d be willing to set a few aside for you. 

And now let’s stop thinking about 2 weeks from now, and start thinking TODAY and our special seasonal number. Nothing reminds me of being a schoolgirl more than taking an apple, coring it, stuffing it with peanut butter and slicing it up. The rest of this week we’re doing our limited edition Apple Peanut Butter cupcake- for the kid in your life, or just to make you feel that for just a few moments, you’re one again yourself.

Clockwise from front: Banana Nutella, Ebinger, Cinnamon Bun, Apple Peanut Butter

Apple Peanut Butter: Apple cake, peanut butter buttercream, peanut brittle

Banana Nutella: Banana cake, Nutella buttercream, banana hazelnut praline

Cinnamon Bun: Cinnamon spotted cake, cream cheese buttercream, cinnamon streusel, cinnamon butterscotch

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Hate to break it to some of you guys, but fall is right around the corner. And I, for one CANNOT FREAKING WAIT, because the lines on adorable jackets and cardigans distract from the fact that my head is the size of a bowling ball. 

Fall also means we start getting back into doing special events and bringing out our craziest, super limited edition flavors for them. Matt and I had a marathon brainstorming session today that included figs, dates, sherry, multiple European cheeses, pork products, three different types of chile peppers, local honey, herbs, apples, pears, pumpkins and more- and we’re STILL not done coming up with new ideas. I wish we had a bigger kitchen and a fleet of robots to do our bidding so we could release them all at once, but alas, we’re only human.

That being said, I’ve posted Septembers schedule, and we’re bringing back the fall flavors a few weeks earlier than normal. I wait all year for these flavors to come back, so I want to give us all as much time with them as possible before they disappear after Thanksgiving. If you’re planning a party, corporate delivery, or need our special once-a-year L’Shanah Tovah cupcakes for Passover, drop us a line! We’d love to be a part of any and all shindings, hoe-downs and hootenannies.

Speaking of hootenannies, check out the updated list of some of the many events we’re doing- like the Brooklyn Local or the NY Food & Wine Festival. Many are ticketed, all are on sale now, and you should get your tickets before they all sell out. All those special new flavors I told you we’re experimenting with? Those will be at events exclusively, so plan accordingly.

As excited as I am for fall, that means that our summer flavors are starting to take their final bows for 2012. Go out and have a Root Beer Float before they disappear til next year. It’s going to miss you too- I promise.

Clockwise from front: Root Beer Float, Banana Cream Pie, Coconut Custard, The Ebinger

Root Beer Float: Root beer cake, root beer custard, vanilla buttercream, maraschino cherry

Banana Cream Pie: Banana cake, vanilla custard, custard buttercream, banana chip, graham cracker crumbs

Coconut Custard: Coconut cake, vanilla custard buttercream, roasted coconut

The Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Had a wonderful night out with Liddabit Sweets, Good Batch, Granola Lab, and Sweet Loren’s.  Now to totally bypass the Tumblr (though we came up with no shortage of topics tonight) and leave you with one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands ever. And next time they come to town, someone hit me up. I followed these guys around the northeast for most of the early 2000s, and sort of miss the carefree recklessness that goes with being twenty-something and following Clutch cross-country in a beat-up Honda Civic.

And Clutch- in the unlikely event you ever read this, I make an EXCELLENT back-up dancer. And I bring cupcakes like this you see here:

Clockwise from front: Creamsicle, Coconut Custard, Ebinger, Banana Cream Pie

Creamsicle: Orange cake, vanillla buttercream, hand candied orange peel

Coconut Custard: Coconut cake, vanilla bean custard buttercream, roasted coconut

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge glaze, chocolate cake crumbs

Banana Cream Pie: Banana cake, vanilla custard, custard buttercream, banana chip, graham cracker crumbs

We’re back from our “mini vacation”, our shop at DeKalb Market is back open, AND we decided that since we took a few days off, we’d run our 2 for $5 special today, too! So go down and enjoy our container shop before it closes in a few months, goshdarnit!

Though we took extra time off from the shop this week, you think I wisely used my time catching up on all the paperwork I had put off while I was in Sesame Place? Of COURSE not! I spent quality time with my kids instead. So now I’m going to get back to doing that stuff right now, and leave you guys with the classic Chippendale’s sketch from Saturday Night Live.

Now comfort yourself over the fact you know that Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley are both dead by stuffing yourself full of sweets. Because that’s sure as f*** how I deal with my feelings.

Clockwise from front: Frutti di Bosco, Ebinger, Dark & Stormy, Tres Leches

NEW! Dark & Stormy: Carribean rum cake, ginger lime buttercream, candied lime zest

Frutti di Bosco: Vanilla cake, ricotta buttercream, wild berry compote, brown sugar streusel

Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs

Tres Leches: Three milk soaked brown butter cake, dulce de leche buttercream, caramel shards