As Allison is focusing on recovering from being hit by a car, friends and fans of Robicelli’s have pitched in to keep the blog going. She will be back shortly, we promise. You can send her messages over Twitter and Facebook, where she is popping up sporadically.
Today’s blog post was contributed by one of Allison’s favorite authors: Ken Wheaton. Ken is the author of the The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival, and his second novel, Bacon & Egg Man, will be released later this year. Ken is originally from Louisiana, lives in Brooklyn, can be found blogging at KenWheatonWrites.com, and is, in Allison’s words “our generations Andy Rooney”.
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ADDENDUM ADDED ON 10/11- The following is a work of SATIRE. It is not true. There is no need to email/call us to ask if we really sold the company. Please read the into paragraph above that explains that this was written by Ken Wheaton as a fictional guest blog. We do appreciate the emails/phone calls- it’s nice to know that you guys were concerned.
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A Message From the New Management
by Ken Wheaton
Dear Valued Robicelli’s Customer,
We here at KRUMmy Cupcakes Inc. would like to take this opportunity to introduce ourselves as the new owner of Robicelli’s. As you may have heard, part of the Robicelli’s team ran into a little trouble recently – or, more accurately, a little trouble ran into her – and it was an honor, a privilege and, quite frankly, smart business for KRUMmy to step in and offer assistance by way of a buy-out.
Before we go any further, though, we’d like to clear up one thing. The driver of that vehicle was not an employee of our company and has never been on the KRUMmy payroll. Reports that he was seen leaving the country soon after the accident with bags of cash are little more than unfounded rumors.
But let us not dwell on the past. Let us look to the future, a future filled with exciting cupcakey goodness.
You may notice some small changes at Robicelli’s as we move forward. For example, we are pleased to announce our new flavor lineup.
1. Chocolate with extra frosting.
2. Red velvet with extra frosting.
3. Cupcake stuffed with M&Ms, rolled in M&Ms, with extra frosting and then sprinkled with M&Ms.
Some of you will no doubt notice that we are moving away from Robicelli’s, shall we say, unique ideas about what a cupcake is. Here at KRUMmy we firmly believe that when the good lord created cupcakes he never intended meat and other exotic ingredients to be involved. Fried chicken belongs in a bucket with French fries and olive oil belongs on pasta. Further, if a cupcake does not deliver two days’ worth of sugar, then it might as well be a muffin. And KRUMmy is not in the muffin business.
We will also be standardizing cupcake names as we feel that while noted Hollywood icons like Dom Deluise and Rue Mclanahan may be popular now, not every cupcake consumer is current in pop culture and may be confused by such names.
Regarding the size of cupcakes, KRUMmy doesn’t believe that one size fits all – unless that size is extra large. Therefore we will be phasing out Robicelli’s traditional cupcake size – we’ve tried a miniature line in the past and it did not sell as well as we’d like. Moving forward, Robicelli’s by KRUMmy cupcakes will serve six, weigh in at two pounds and require utensils. (A plate isn’t necessary – as long as you have a Shopvac handy to deal with the aftermath.)
These cupcakes will be available at local neighborhood retailers including: Gristedes, Key Food, The Met, C-Town, Target and, if you’re lucky enough to live near one, Walmart.
Once again, we are excited to be serving you, the Robicelli’s consumer and hope that you welcome us into your home and come to consider us part of your family.
—Peter I. Wankworth III, CEO, KRUMmy Cupcakes Inc.
Coming soon we’ll have posts from author Aaron Goldfarb, screenwriter John Capo, food bloggers and PR mavens and many more. But now there’s today’s cupcakes, plus lots of other good stuff going to stores all over NYC tomorrow. Enjoy!
Clockwise from front: Ebinger, Pecan Pie, Brown Sugar Pumpkin, Pear Mascarpone
The Ebinger: Chocolate cake, chocolate custard buttercream, chocolate fudge, chocolate cake crumbs
Brown Sugar Pumpkin: Brown sugar cake, chocolate pumpkin buttercream, ganache, demerera sugar
Pear Mascarpone: Pear cake, mascarpone buttercream, pear chip
Pecan Pie: Pecan molasses cake, vanilla buttercream, molasses glazed pecans
