If you’re still one of those people who scoffs at Pajama Jeans, I’ll have you know that not only are they the best fitting, most comfortable pair of pants that I have ever owned in my entire life, but I actually did a photoshoot for a fancy ladies magazine this past week, and no one knew that I was wearing Pajama Jeans until I mentioned it at the end of the shoot. Seriously, the infomercial does not lie- I constantly get complimented on these damn things.
You know what happened next, right? EVERYONE in the studio had to come and touch my pants. People want to touch my pants, like, all the time.
If you are curvy and want your ass to look spectacular (really- these pants have the ass-magic), want to be ridiculously comfortable, and constantly have strangers petting your pants like you’re some sort of adorable dog, then you should go down to Walgreens or wherever they sell pants in a box next to the Shamwows and Oxiclean, and change your freaking life.
(Before I continue, I have to stress that I am NOT on the Pajama Jeans payroll, nor have I ever received anything from them for being their biggest cheerleader on the planet. THOUGH I CAN BE BOUGHT, PAJAMA JEANS PEOPLE!)
Anyway, after walking around in last nights one billion percent humidity and staying completely cool and comfortable from the waist down, I decided that it was time to invest in several more pairs. And that is when Matt tells me that if I buy more Pajama Jeans, he’s going to go back to wearing Hawaiian shirts all the time. Because Jerkface McGoo obviously never wants me to be happy again.
You may remember how this spitefest began last October when I first bought the pants. And yet while I have managed to wear the Pajama Jeans only when I’m writing or on days where it was too unbearably hot for real jeans, wouldn’t you know Mr. Too-Good-For-Boxed-Pants wears basketball shorts ALL THE TIME! And guess how many times he’s played basketball since last October? ZERO, that’s how many!
So now we’re upping the threat level to Hawaiian shirts, buddy? Well, winter’s just around the corner, and THESE are happening:
Yeah, that’s right Matt- SWEATER PANTS. And unlike Pajama Jeans that are obviously just for moms like me that have given up on life and are 6 minutes away from having a complete collection of seasonally-themed vests, these sweater pants are high fashion! Yup, they’re made by Charlotte Ronson for Free People, and start at $200! I mean, why would I want to stick with dumb old Pajama Jeans that cling to my every curve in the best possible way, when I could be like all the cool girls online who are wearing Hammer Pants and sweaters on their legs!
So it’s your call, Matt. I’ve got $200 and my Sicilian stubborn streak all ready to go. Just say the word and it’s Hammertime.
And for the rest of you, you should also know that Pajama Jeans are the perfect pants for foodies. Really- as much as you stuff yourself, the pants will continually contour to your expanding belly and move easily as you walk it off. And while you’re laying back, feeling the freedom of a life without oppressive pants, and eating some of these bad boys, you’ll always be able to think of me, and how devastatingly awesome I am. You’re welcome, America.
Clockwise from front: North Fork, Kahlua Banana, Horchata, McFadden
NEW! Kahlua Banana: Chocolate Kahlua banana cake, Kahlua coffee buttercream, Kahlua chocolate sauce
North Fork: Chocolate cabernet cake, blackberry cabernet buttercream and compote
Horchata: Horchata cake, pudding and buttercream, cinnamon sugar rice krispies
McFadden: Victorian lemonade cake made with Pimm’s, lemon ginger buttercream, hand candied lemon peel